


Pills

by ThatOneBiPotato



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Blood and Gore, Choking, Graphic Depictions of Illness, Graphic Description, Haven't decided on any other ships, Please inform me of anything else!!, Possible Character Death, Vomiting, We'll see about that one when we come to it, We'll see when we get there ig
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-10
Updated: 2020-11-18
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:41:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 6,556
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21738520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatOneBiPotato/pseuds/ThatOneBiPotato
Summary: Thomas found some pills that should help his lying and bad thought problem. A safe, non addictive suppression is all!Right?
Relationships: Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Deceit Sanders
Comments: 55
Kudos: 134





	1. Chapter 1

It had meant nothing, really. No harm was intended, and it seemed like such a good idea. That’s why Thomas was here now, looking at some pills. Surely, they wouldn’t work. It was just too good to be true in absolutely any way! But, it was worth a shot.

Just some pills to safely suppress his morbid thoughts and compulsive lying. That’s all they’re supposed to be. That’s what they’re advertised as. Of course he wouldn’t get the anxiety ones, Virgil was already doing a good job all on his own of not pushing it too far. The other two, however… 

He knew he should have talked to the others. But he also knew that in some way, at least Logan already knew. He was the logic, after all. And his logic had reasoned that this was probably the best idea. Besides, it’s not like he would be… hurting, the two Dark Sides. He would just be slightly suppressing the things that   
were greatly affecting him. Plus, they were cheap! $30 each! You would think that would be a red flag, but all the reviews were positive. SO he could at least try.

Two weeks. It took two weeks for the pills to arrive. By that point, the other 3 had known. They all seemed to agree that maybe suppressing the Dark Sides was a good idea. And besides, it was too late now. In reality, it wasn’t, at least not when he had intended to tell them. But when he had actually told them, it was, in fact, too late. Logan, of course, wasn’t surprised. Virgil seemed slightly shocked at the idea of suppressing any of them forcefully, but other than that, seemed perfectly ok with the idea. Patton had the same reaction as Virgil, but was slightly more encouraging about it. Roman didn’t seem to care about it at all.

So, he opened the packaging. All the pills were designed to fit perfectly with one another, so that no matter which pills were taken, they wouldn’t negatively affect the purchaser. They also had this little thing about them. To ensure no overdosage, any amount taken wouldn’t reach the limit, as they would start to cancel themselves out if they went anywhere over the standard limit. How they were able to design them like that baffled Thomas, but he never questioned it.

The pills for the morbid thoughts came in a sickly yellow-orange colour, with a large, bold title so you knew what kind they were printed on it. There were no ingredients, or health facts. Only instructions.

“Take two a day, six hours apart from one another. No more, no less. This will not cause harm, but it is not recommended.”

The ones for compulsive lying came in a dark pink hue, with the same bold font and placement on them, the same instructions, and the same lack of anything else. Inside the box they arrived in, there was a little handwritten note.

“Take both pills at the same time for the best effect. Swallow with water. The effects will not be immediate, and will come faster and stronger with more use.”  
Thomas threw the box away, and put the bottles away into the medicine cabinet. It was late, so he’d try them tomorrow morning.

When the morning came, he poured himself a glass of water, and took out the pill bottles. The pill bottles were large, and thick, so he expected big pills, but then he took out the pills, they were no bigger than his pinky nail. The lying ones were a strange black colour, and the morbid thoughts ones were white. He swallowed them with ease.

It took about an hour for the pills to work. Any thoughts he had about lying to stay safe when there was no danger, or any thoughts about becoming a danger for pure entertainment, vanished quickly. He was glad they worked. He wondered what happened to the two Dark Sides in that moment, but he didn’t see it as much of an issue. Besides, if it was a real problem, they would’ve come to complain about it!

Right..?


	2. Chapter One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> WARNING! Graphic detailing about pain, lots and lots of blood

Remus gave a loud yawn, making a show of rubbing his eyes dramatically. A long night in his imagination had made him very tired, and he wanted- no, needed- affection. He wanted comfort, because long nights of getting stressed out sometimes only caused more stress. He frowned, watching Deceit. He was currently making them some breakfast, but that wasn’t what he wanted. He didn’t want food, he wanted his snake.

“Remus,” said snake said smoothly, “maybe you should go sleep a little longer, what about that, sweetie?” Sweetie. A lovely name that he had been hearing a lot more recently. Not that he was complaining.

“Yeah, but I’d much rather enjoy the view,” he said slyly, glancing downwards before looking back up to meet the other’s gaze.(ha, gays-)

“Remus, you can look later,” he said, sighing. “You need sleep. I’ll put some food for you into the microwave so you can eat later, ok? Go sleep.”

“Hmph, fine!” He got up out of the chair and yawned again, though he tried his best to suppress it. He stumbled his way down the hall, and past the hall that branched off to his room. He didn’t want to be in his shared room, and the room they’d started preparing for him separately wasn’t finished yet. He wanted his imagination instead. Sure, Dee had told him to sleep, but he’d much rather not. Besides, he could take a nap in the imagination or something, so it was fine!

He reached the entrance to the imagination, and began to feel off. Maybe it was because he was worried about being stressed again, maybe it was something else. But there was something… wrong. About his own imagination. The door seemed to be a lot darker, and more broken than it had before. Welp, that’s what happens when you let monsters run loose around the place!

He threw the door open without a second thought and sighed contently, breathing in the sweet smells of his imagination. Despite what most everyone else thought, his side of the imagination wasn’t that dark, or even that bad. At least, not on the surface. There were many flowers with strong fragrances here and there. Most of those fragrances were different kinds of poisons or hallucinogens. Prolonged exposure to them made Remus entirely immune, and even Deceit was mostly immune to all of them. The sky was a dark gradient of purples and oranges, pinks and reds, and some dark blues, the product of an endless sunset. The sad part about the sky was it was covered in storm clouds, most of the time.

There were trees, and a lot of them. They towered over the land, and were very dark, with patterns in their bark and leaves that resembled animal skulls of all kinds, and had sharp edges. And the beasts. Oh, how Remus loved his pets! There were one eyed things with a large mouth and long claws; there were large things with a million arms and eyes that killed its prey with the thought alone; there were furry creatures that looked innocent enough, but could swallow four blue whales whole and still want more; there were slimy things and scaly things, big and small things, things with claws, and wings, and broken, sharp teeth. Ones that howled, and groaned, and yipped, barked, cried, whined, and spoke. He loved his pets!

He wandered up to two trees, the mud made from the previous rain threatening to make him slip. They were very tall, and rigid. He held out his hands, and several ropes appeared in them, and a large cloth sheet. It was a hammock. He began tying one end to one of the trees, and the other to the second tree. He pulled down one side, and leapt up into the hammock. It rocked under his weight, before settling into a lazy roll.

Today, there weren’t any clouds. The trees blocked out most of his view, but he could still see the soft colours. The smell of sickeningly(quite literally) sweet flowers was mixed in with joyous scent of rain. One tiny little fuzzball leapt from the fronds and onto Remus’s tummy. It purred and curled up, producing a sort of tickly sensation. Remus reached out his hand and started gently petting the thing. It was just as soft as it looked. Most people would be sceptical about this puffball, and they should be. While is was furry, and looked like a very tiny monkey, it had the mouth of a snake. It’s jaw could unhinge, and it was venomous. It attacked anyone that wasn’t Remus or Deceit if they showed any sign of danger, or startled it too much.

Her name was Fred.

Fred yawned lazily, turning over onto her back to allow Remus access to her belly, purring louder when his hand found said spot. Remus slowly traced shapes onto her belly, and smiled. Fred had been staying around Remus remus a lot more, and was a sign that she was expecting. In a world made by Remus, what else did you expect? Well, expect more than they were, currently.

Her tail loosely curled around his wrist, and she dozed off into a quiet slumber. Remus would join soon after, but he didn’t want to. He forced himself to stay up until he couldn’t. His eyes felt like they were on fire, and his eyelids weighed down a person being thrown off the dock tied to an anchor. It didn’t help that he had started to itch, a mad burning sensation that crept down his arms and legs, and buried itself into his stomach. For all the pains he’d ever felt, this one was new. Was this supposed to happen? He couldn’t remember.

Just as he was about to drift off, he screamed. The pain immediately flared up, and it hurt. A lot. It felt as though his muscles were being pulled apart one by one, but also at the same time. His joints felt like they were being pressed into burning iron, and the heat never once died down. His skin grew extremely cold, and hurt against the burning of everything else. He kicked and thrashed and screamed and cried, falling off of the hammock and into the mud. He writhed around, and if anyone saw him, they would’ve thought he was having a seizure of some sort.

By this point, Fred was up and about, having been startled so horribly from her nap. She was still on the hammock, and was screeching at Remus with confusion written across her tiny face. The danger was coming from him, but he was also the one in danger. She didn’t know how, she just knew that he was.

Remus curled into a ball, still screaming. He’d managed to control himself from hitting everything around him, but he was still in pain. Why was he in pain? What was happening? Why wouldn’t it stop already? Was it happening to the others? Was this happening to Dee?!

His eyes, which had previously been squeezed close, shot open. Oh God, was this happening to Deceit?! He forced himself onto his hands and knees, even though he was in agony. His attempts to stand kept failing, and he kept falling back onto his knees, so he decided he would just crawl out instead.

The screeching had stopped, Fred was gone. Where she had gone, he didn’t know, but he didn’t want to care right now. He had to check on Dee.

There were suddenly arms under his own. He started hurting more due to pressure being put onto him, but that didn’t matter. Whatever had grabbed him was moving closer to the door. That’s all he needed.

The thing gently placed him back onto the cold, wet ground, and lowered Fred onto him. She had gone to get help! She made sure to jump off of him as soon as possible, and started working on opening the door. Once she got it to click open, she pushed it wide enough for Remus to crawl through, and sat waiting for him to pass through.

He started crying more, having to pick himself back up and out the door, which closed behind him as soon as he was out. He heard sobbing coming from down the hall, and forced himself up, leaning onto the wall. In this moment, he wanted to die more than ever. But he couldn't He had to check on his snake, dammit!

It took a long time, but he finally made it to the last stretch. It was just a crawl from here to get to his hurt Double Dee and make sure he was ok. The second that his own struggles had made a noise in the mostly quiet living space, the sobbing softened.

“R-Remus? Is-is that you?” His voice was broken and quiet.

“Y-” Remus got cut off by a coughing fit, which only made him feel worse, if that was even possible. When he finally stopped, he looked down to see blood on the floor, and some gloved hands by his face, that were also covered in blood. He had to physically restrain himself from screaming when the hands softly cupped his face. He finally looked up, and, though he felt like he was burning at the stake, felt his blood run cold.

Deceit had blood on his chin and staining his clothes. There were tears in his eyes, and he looked white as a sheet. His scales, while normally a vibrant greenish-yellow, looked grey, and his eye was tinged blue. Which was weird, because he wasn’t close to shedding.

“D-Dee Dee, what happened?” he forced out. His own voice was raspy and scratchy from him screaming, and it felt like he was being choked when he spoke, and not in the good way.

“I don’t- I don’t know,” Deceit admitted. His teeth were also stained red. “I think something’s w-wrong, but I just… Remus, everything’s r-really cold.” He looked close to fainting.

“Dee, take- take me to the couch. Now.”

Deceit didn’t question it. He just threw his arms around Remus’s shoulders and supported him as they walked to the couch, slowly. When they got there, and Deceit had set Remus down, Remus knew he would regret what he was doing.

He grabbed Deceit’s hand quickly, and pulled him down onto him with maybe too much force. Yep, he regretted it. The pressure felt like he’d been hit in the chest with a fast paced, rolling boulder. He didn’t say anything as he wrapped his arms around the others chest and held him tightly. Deceit went to protest, but then melted into the touch.

“You’re so warm,” he muttered, burying his face into Remus’s neck.

The second Deceit’s skin touched his, he squeaked.

“Wow, and you’re- you’re really cold!” Deceit was somehow even colder than Remus was. The pain slowly melted away, as it was like an ice pack was pressed into him, but it slowly returned as Deceit heated up. By the time that happened, it was too late to get Dee to move or get him an ice pack or something, because the snek was asleep. He was softly snoring, and looked so peaceful like that, despite the fact that he was bloody and actively causing discomfort.

Remus sighed, and decided the pain was absolutely worth it. He would give his life for Dee, and though he wasn’t dying now, this was the best thing he could do.

Though he was in pain, he forced himself to close his eyes. Soon enough, it started to ease up, and Remus was finally asleep. The breakfast the Deceit had been making was forgotten on the counter, and aside from the snoring from the two Dark Sides, it was silent.

This. This was peaceful. This is how the both wanted it from now on, at least for a little longer.

But that was only the first pill.


	3. Quick A/N

OK so I've been working on the next chapter, but I updated the tags, so please take a look at them and decide whether you want to keep reading or not! If you've stuck around this long, you're probably fine with it, but I just want to make sure because it doesn't exactly get any better. With that being said, the next chapter is going to be in Dee's pov for like the whole thing, so uh,, pray for the snek -v-


	4. Nothing Stays Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Deceit can't keep down food, and there's a lot of blood. !!WARNING for vomit, choking, and blood!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, I'm going to start naming the chapters now. Also, apologies that this isn't the best, but hey, it's something. Their condition will only deteriorate, so uh,, yey. !!WARNING for vomit, choking, and blood(if you missed the first warning)!!

Finally. After so long, Thomas could finally go out and have fun without some sort of awful thought plaguing his mind. Well, aside from Virgil, but Virgil was fine. Logan could at least talk down his ideas without everyone else yelling.

It did make him wonder what had happened to them, though. Anytime they decided they needed outside help, he would try to summon Deceit, but he never came. He could still lie as a whole, so he hadn’t ducked out, and none of the sides were willing enough to go looking for him. They could solve their problems without him. They’d done it many times before, after all. It took two hours of Thomas trying to summon him and failing each time to convince the others that, if after all that annoyance and he still didn’t appear just to get it to stop, that something was wrong. Then, they tried summoning Remus to find out what was going on with him.

Nothing.

It took a few minutes, but in the end, Roman had been able to convince everyone that it was just them being pissy about being left out. And while that was mostly true, that also wasn’t the full story.

“This is stupid!” Remus cried, waving his arms around wildly. “How come we can’t go up? First, this,” he gestured to the pools of blood that were still drying on the carpet,” and now we can’t even go up?! Why, I oughtta-”

“Remus, not now please. I would like to eat in peace.” Somehow, Deceit was calm through the whole thing. It had been too long since this whole thing started, and it only continued to hurt. What was it now, two days? Three? It didn’t matter to either of them at this point. “This is one of the only times we get silence, and I would rather eat something before it eventually comes back up again.”

Deceit was weak. Very, very weak. He could barely stand without feeling ready to pass out, much less walk, so he had to direct Remus, who could still move around pretty well, on how to make soup. He’d been doing that since it started. He would never be able to keep it all down, but it was worth something. Thankfully, Remus could stomach it, as he wasn’t the one vomiting every other hour. That knowledge was enough to keep him from breaking down.

“Sorry, Dee Dee,” Remus said quietly. “But this sucks! You’re hurting, and I can’t do anything to fix it, and it hurts to see it happen.”

“If you want to make it better, shut up and come cuddle me, I’m cold.” He’d been nothing but cold these past few days. Meanwhile, Remus felt like a wildfire. It was soothing, and made the pain less… well, painful.  
He set down his half eaten soup on the coffee table, sighing contently as Remus wrapped his arms around him. He let out a soft purr-like hissing noise, nuzzling into the others chest.

“It’s nearly the time...”

“So it is.”

“Do you think you got enough? Was it- was it good enough? Is it going to come out again-”

“Remus, no,” Dee said, looking up into his eyes. “It won’t be enough until this ends entirely. It’ll always come back, and we can’t stop it. Just be quiet, and hold me for now.”

Remus felt his eyes burn. He pressed a soft kiss into Deceit’s hair and laid back, letting them both rest. He played with his hair for a while as he counted out the minutes. ‘Soon…” he thought.

They sat there in a tense silence. Deceit was close to sleep, muttering soft things as he closed his eyes gently. Perhaps if he was asleep he wouldn’t be affected.

He felt a heavy pressure in his stomach, and it snapped him out of his hazy state. He made a soft strangled sound, before curling into Remus and whimpering. Tears built in his eyes, and he found it hard to speak. His mind buzzed with a loud shrieking sound that gave him a headache. He felt Remus start to quake under him, and began to move off of him.

“S-Snakey, no, it-its fine, stay.” But it was too late, and Deceit had already rolled himself off the couch and onto the floor with a soft thud. He curled in on himself, and felt the pressure in his stomach begin to rise, causing him to whimper louder.

Behind him, he heard Remus give out small gasps and whines, shifting around as much as possible to relieve the pain. That only made the tears begin falling at a very fast pace. The pressure rapidly shot itself into his throat, causing him to cough and sputter out a few crimson droplets. He began choking quietly, trying not to worry the other, but he found himself unable to breathe. A few more strangled gasps later, and it all came back up. He moved himself onto his hands and let it all out.

First came the soup, which he hadn’t eaten a lot of. It left a bitter taste in his mouth and a burning feeling in his throat. Next came the blood. The pressure caught in his throat, causing him to choke and gag. He weakly pounded against his chest, hoping to make the process faster. Dots began forming around his view, and he finally got the painful relief of a large wave spewing from his throat. He sucked in a large breath, regretting it as he inhaled some of the blood. He coughed for a few seconds before his body got irritated from the feeling and released a second, more gentle round of blood that pooled into his mouth, mixing with the remaining bile, and slowly dripped down his chin and neck.

His vision grew blurry, and he felt light headed and cold. It was like his clothes were made from ice. His body started to hesitantly fall, and his eyelids grew heavy. He felt arms under his own, and heard a faint grunt as he was lifted back into Remus’ lap. He saw blood, blood that didn’t belong to him, and he grew concerned. The concern washed away as the was enveloped in warmth, and felt a hand start running through his hair.

He was tired. And as much as he tried, his body betrayed his mind and went limp. He heard and felt a soft hum, and closed his eyes. His thoughts became blurred, and a mess. It didn’t matter anymore. Why was he still thinking? He just… needed… sleep.


	5. Darkness is a Self Inflicted Blinding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The pills are definitely starting to get more affecting. Maybe a little too much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for blood and passing out! Let me know if anything else!!

Remus screwed his eyes tightly shut. His hands curled around Deceit tightly, trying to stop himself. Lines were appearing on his skin, and he wasn’t sure if he was imagining things or not. They itched and ached, begging for him to cut into those lines. It would’ve been easy to resist, he’d resisted so many times before, but his body was weak and tired. He didn’t even realize it was happening until he was biting back the urge to scream. He looked at his hands and saw deep cuts on his forearms, his fingers stained a deep red.

His already burning body screamed out again, this time the pain coming from the outside. It was new, and hurt like hell. He suppressed another scream and he raked his nails down his skin again. He clutched the sleeping body on top of him tightly, his hands shaking wildly. There were tears running down his cheeks, and he wanted to scream and yell and curse at whatever had caused this, but he couldn’t. He didn’t know what this was, who caused it, and most importantly, he didn’t want to wake his snake.

He buried his face in Deceit’s hair, feeling his whole body start to shake. The desire to carve into his flesh and bones grew, and his body started to ache in more and more places. He wanted to crawl out of his own skin at this point. Or even better, maybe just stop existing. No, he couldn’t do that… If he did, then Dee would be alone. And he certainly couldn’t hope that they would both stop existing, the world would be a lot worse with his precious smile. In fact, the world would be a lot worse without him in general.

He bit his lip hard, and started chewing it to distract himself. He didn’t stop, even after he felt and tasted blood. He just needed to distract himself from doing something he would most certainly regret. Eventually, his whole body ached to the point of numbness. His ears rang loudly, and he couldn’t even hear his own heartbeat anymore. His vision grew blurry, and everything swayed around him. He felt his muscles relax against his will, and his sight kept fading in and out. Eventually, it was all black.

He tried opening and closing his eyes several times, but it made no difference what he did. He felt cold. Was it possible to feel this cold? How could it be this… cold? He noticed that he couldn’t breathe, either. He wasn’t suffocating, and he wasn’t drowning, he just couldn’t physically breathe. He also noticed he didn’t feel any pain. That was certainly new. Yet it still didn’t help the coldness.

It wasn’t a painful or uncomfortable cold, he was just very aware of the cold. In fact, he felt numb. The kind of numb you get when you’re in the cold too long, though he wasn’t shivering, just numb. He curled in on himself, or at least what he believed what curling in on himself meant. He couldn’t tell. He couldn’t feel himself move, or see it happen, but he felt how certain body parts met with other body parts, and he felt enough like he was curled up in a ball. He still wasn’t sure, though.

He couldn’t hear anything. More like he could hear one thing, an unwavering sound and was constant. It wasn’t loud, but it wasn’t quiet. It wasn’t like anything he’d ever heard before, but it felt so familiar.

He was just confused now.

If anyone else had been there, and he’d said that, they probably would’ve said, “Well, what else is new?” But no one else was there. Maybe if he called someone, they’d answer. He opened his mouth and called out. A pointless sound, probably, but anything would help. He didn’t hear anything. No response, sure, but certainly not even the call. Oh well, he was content like this. He wasn’t hurting anymore, after all. And that’s all the wanted.

That’s all he wanted.

All he wanted for now...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, this was kinda short, my apologies!! I tried making it longer, but it didn't really work, so this is all you guys get, sorry!! I'll try making the next one longer, I promise TvT


	6. Quick A/N

I've been meaning to add this part for a while, but never really got around to it. This story is on hiatus due to mental health reasons, more specifically now. My depressive episodes have been especially bad and more frequent as of recently, but I'll give myself a pass on that because of what's happening with the world currently. I've still been working on it, but the chapters aren't good and I just can't find myself being able to post them. I'll be continually editing them until I can get myself to post them, but until then, don't hope for much. This goes for my other story too, though that ones taking longer because that ones always been more complex and detailed, so, sorry. I'll try getting something soon, but there's no guarantees here.


	7. Confrontation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally, a confrontation. If only he had more time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!WARNING!! Obvious warnings, you know, blood, pain, numbness, weapons, etc. etc., BUT, NOT OBVIOUS WARNING, slightly unsymp Patton, Virgil, and maybe Logan. It's only for a couple of lines, but it's still there, and I want y'all to be safe

!!!!PSST, HEY, GO LOOK AT THOSE WARNING IN THE CHAPTER NOTES. GO LOOK AT THEM. BE S A F E. IT WASN'T PLANNED UNTIL IT HAPPENED, SO THAT'S LITERALLY YOUR ONLY WARNING. HAVE YOU READ THEM?? Ok good, carry on >:(!!!!!

[Deceit's POV]

Deceit groans, letting his eyes flutter open. His head was aching, and he felt weak. He feels a warm heat flowing flowing from his nose and over his cold skin. Very gently, he brought his hand up to it, pulling it back to inspect it.

Ah, a bloody nose, just what he needed.

He laid there, and sighed. If he wasn’t in so much pain, he would have screamed. No, no, that’s a lie. That would wake up Remus. He couldn’t do that. Oh, but how he wished he could.

He snuggled into Remus’s chest, seeking some kind of comfort. There wasn’t much to find in the unconscious man, other than his warmth. Even then, there wasn’t much seeping through his thick **(** **_thicc-_ ** **)** clothing. He shuffled up, burying into his neck.

This, however, made Deceit very aware of the scent of blood. Deceit lifted himself up slightly to get a good look at what the problem is.

There were deep cuts littering his face. The blood around them was dry, suggesting they weren’t extremely new, but the cuts themselves seemed fairly fresh, which was concerning. His concern grew as he watched Remus’s hands twitch, before they slapped onto his face and started to… scratch?

Much slower than he had hoped, he reached up to stop Remus, grabbing his hands and bringing them back down. Upon resistance, he intertwined their fingers, laying back down to prevent movement. Remus’s body struggled with him for a little, before seeming to give up.

Remus let out a whine, before shifting to sit up.

“Dee?”

Deceit gave a hum of acknowledgment, which was followed by a tense but comfortable silence. He let out another whine, followed by a groan. His face felt like it was on fire.

“We need to do something about this”, Remus said, in a low, raspy voice, “or else we’ll die. Probably. Not even sure we can die, at this point.”

“We do, but we’ve tried,” Deceit responded in an even quieter voice. I can’t rise up, but you won’t even  _ try _ .”

“Of course not, I don’t want to leave you. You can barely stand, why would I leave you alone?”

“Fine, but, on that subject, would you mind… leaving me? To go fix your wounds, please?”

There was more silence, before Remus looked down at the other, with a very stern look.

“J, I’m not leaving you alone.”

Dee glared back, but was obviously unsettled. For one, Remus was almost never serious. For two, he rarely ever used anything referring to his real name. With these two things in mine, he knew that there was no chance of his glare working. So instead, he softened his gaze and pouted.

“Remus, please?” he asked, his voice quivering. “I don’t like seeing you like this.” And damn, was Remus a sucker for those eyes.

“Fine, but only for you. And when I get back, you better still be here.” This made Dee smile, finally, and they continued to stare into each other’s eye. “If you want me to go, I need my hands back, Double Dee-”

“OH RIGHT!”

Remus chuckled as his hands were released. He leaned forward and kissed Dee’s forehead, setting him down gently back onto the couch.

“Stay,” he said firmly, booping Dee on the nose and stumbling off somewhere down the hall.

Now, if you think Deceit would listen, especially in his current state, you’d be very wrong. Or new here. In which case, welcome!

Once he was sure Remus was gone, he, not so carefully, pushed himself off of the fairly bloody couch. He almost immediately fell down to the floor. Steadying himself, he tried to even stand, but found his knees fairly weak. When he finally managed to stand well enough, he found walking even harder. But a little resistance has never stopped him before!

He stumbled over to the hallway that connects the Dark and Light parts of the mindscape. As long as he could lean against the wall to talk to them, he would be fine. He found himself able to push off the wall, but remained near it, just in case.

While it got warmer the more he walked into their side, he still felt cold. But that was fine. At least for now.

He could hear their voices now. Worry began building up inside him, and he wondered if he should turn back. But it was too late now. He was already basically there, there was no reason to turn around now.

He swayed and stumbled into the light, hoping it wasn’t  _ too _ obvious. He was met with hissing off to his right. Turning his head, he let out a hiss back.

“Oh, Deceit. How… lovely to see you!”

He sighed and shook his head, responding lowly with a growl, “Honestly, Patton, why must you lie to me?”

They were all sitting on the couch, presumably watching a Disney movie. Virgil was the closest to him, but that changed real quick. Patton, who was next to Virgil, took that spot instead, standing up and moving forward to seemingly shield the others.

“Listen, I’m just here to talk to you about something.” He felt a headache coming on, and hoped he would have enough time. “We-...  _ I _ want to know what’s been going on. You’ve kept us away from you, from Thomas, from anything that might be important, and we  _ need _ to know what’s happening.”

“No you don’t, you don’t even care!” Virgil shouted at him, which was very unprompted.

“Don’t care? I- where did this come from?!” he yelled back. The headache was there now, and it hurt.

“Hey, don’t you yell at him!” Patton snapped back.

“He was the one who-  _ LITERALLY WHERE IS THIS COMING FROM _ ?!” he yelled back, admittedly maybe too loud. But he was very genuinely confused as to where this was coming from. They disappear for a few days, probably, he wasn’t sure, and he comes back to this? He knew they didn’t like him, but even this was a bit much.

He felt his knees begin to weaken and his stomach begin to churn. He was running out of time, but he refused to back down.

“Okay, just listen to me, yeah?” He didn’t wait for a response. “Whatever’s happening is affecting me and Remus, and we don’t know what it is. We’re assuming it has to do with you guys, but we aren’t sure, so what do you know?” Patton opened his mouth to respond, but Janus cut him off.

“In case you didn’t get that, let me repeat. It is affecting  _ us _ , and we  _ don’t know what it is _ .  _ What do you know _ ?” He felt a tickle at the back of his throat, knowing his time was shrinking still.

“We convinced Thomas to take pills similar to anxiety pills, due to you two being too…  _ overbearing _ , with your functions,” Logan explained monotonously, not looking away from the TV screen. “Since the effects have seemed to work for and help Thomas, we haven’t stopped. In hindsight, consulting you first would have probably been best. Apologies for that.”

The feeling grew, and he let out a small cough.

“You know, yeah, that would’ve been nice,” he growled out. “Even checking up on us would’ve been nice, since you knew it was directed at us.” He let out another cough, this one being bigger and more rough.

“What exactly is the problem then, Jekyll and Lied?” Roman questioned, moving in front of him, his hands on his hips.

“There’s literally so many problems.” He brought up his hand and let out yet another cough, one that racked his whole body and made him sway. He looked back at his hand, which had specks of blood, then back to Roman’s face, which looked nervous and concerned.

“Yeah, that one seems to be one of them. Are… are you ok, Deceit?”

“I’m fi-” He fell into a coughing fit, letting his knees buckle and letting himself fall. His head was pounding and he felt dizzy. It didn’t help that he began to feel icy again, his body losing any warmth it had weakly held on to.

He heard muffled shouts, and opened his eyes to see black and green standing in front of him.

[Remus's POV]

God, he was stupid. What in the world made him think Janus would  _ actually _ stay put? What made him think he wouldn’t end up in the position he was currently in, with his morning star aimed at his brother, shielding his snakey from the ‘Light’ Sides while said snakey coughed out his guts? Well, he had to admit, he didn’t expect such a specific situation, but still.

“Remus, I don’t understand, what’s going on?” Roman asked.

“No, no you don’t,” he responded in a rough voice. “Listen, just stay away from him, okay? He’s hurting, he needs some space.” Remus’s expression turned a little more confused. “Probably. I’m not too sure yet, it’s complicated, his preferences change depending on how deep he is into his fits.”

“What about you?” Patton asked, moving slightly closer to Remus, fatherly concern written all over his face.

“Oh, right, almost forgot about that,” he chuckled, running his fingers lightly over his scars. He shot a glance back at Jan, who was looking back up at him with tears in his eyes and a pleading look on his face. There was blood dripping from his mouth, and it hurt to look at.

He wished he could collapse on the floor right beside him, so they could hold each other through the pain like they’d been doing, especially now that heat and pain ran through his body in waves, but he had to focus on getting back home first.

That meant dealing with his brother.

[Deceit's POV]

Though his vision was extremely blurry, he knew it was Remus. No one else wore black, after all.

He felt a boiling heat pooling in his stomach, a great contrast to how the rest of his body felt. It hurt. He’d stopped coughing, and felt about ready vomit again.

He desperately reached up to grab onto Remus, wordlessly begging him to come down to him. Deceit knows it worked when he feels arms wrap around him and hold him close. He weakly wraps his arms around him, too, grabbing as tightly as he can onto the clothing on his back. Though he can’t properly hear the words being spoken into his ear, the tone sounds reassuring, and calms him down.

He grabs on tighter, ignoring the stinging of his nails as he turns his head and gets ready to empty whatever his body is going to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was kinda bad ngl, but i got it out :D
> 
> Also, if things go according to plan, TWO MORE CHAPTERS, WOO :)))))


	8. A/N

Sorry I haven't updated this in, like, forever, I've kinda fallen out of the fandom. I'm going to move on and make other fics, but I will still update this, I absolutely intend to finish this! It just won't be my top priority anymore. I hope that's ok with all of you, and if not, well that sucks, you can't do anything about what I do :p

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah, the fandom I've been hyperfixating on is the MCYT fandom, so I haven't been the most enthusiastic or motivated to finish any Sanders Sides fics I've made, but I do entirely intend to finish them!! I promise :)


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